CandleX Founder Xiaojie Has Done This Activity For 10+ Years...

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Mental Health Awareness

It's nearly the end of May and Beijing has been buzzing with so much activity that one might have missed that May is also Mental Health Awareness Month. In honor of that, we are choosing to feature mental health professionals who are making an impact on our expat community here in Beijing to thank them for the good work that they have devoted their lives to.

CandleX Founder Xiaojie Qin

Born and raised in Sichuan, Xiaojie Qin has been in Beijing for over half of her life and calls the city home. She is a psychotherapist, certified in China and registered in Australia. Xiaojie is the founder and director of CandleX, a Beijing based mental health organization. She also co-founded Project A, and works with people who are recovering from abusive relationships. Besides mental health, Xiaojie is active in the yoga and mindfulness scene. Plus, she’s been a swing dancer for over a decade!

What's on your mind?

What a great question! I try to be mindful of what is on my mind since it produces countless thoughts and ideas every minute. I try to exercise staying grounded in that space, and make conscious choices of which thoughts to act on.

This past year, I thought a lot about living in Beijing because a lot of my friends have moved away. I am aware of the impact it has on me, which makes me question whether I still want to live here in the long run. I also experimented with being a digital nomad in chunks of a few weeks each time. Interestingly, I come back to the same conclusion that Beijing is still home for me.

I have lived here for almost two decades now, and I am deeply rooted in the community, with my work in mental health, my weekly dancing, and my mindfulness practice groups. I love that the corner store owner in my neighborhood would always wave at me in the mornings and in the evenings. A few cafes that I work out of welcome me and my dog - Coconut - whom they love! Beijing has a lot to offer to people who are inspirational , talented, and passionate - whether it's about their job or something they do on the side.

The past year, I attended quite a few home parties and had meaningful conversations which blossomed into friendships. I remember thinking to myself that it’s sad when friends leave, but Beijing has an open atmosphere to form new relationships.

At the end of the day, the movie of your life is edited by your chosen attention, and your attitude decides the genre of your own movie. I am a mental health profession, so I often take a temperature check of what's on my mind, and I exercises mental focus, relaxation as I embrace the unfolding of my Beijing life.

What motivates you to get moving?

I think I was born with a motor in me.  Every hobby I have is an active one, whether it’s dancing, yoga, Brazilian jiujitsu, or diving. By nature, I move. That simple joy and flow when I move keeps me on the go.

Every now and then, I try to do something that’s sedentary, but it’s very hard for me. Maybe once a year, I go to the cinema. Once a while I would go crazy and think I could join my friends to do board games or drawing, or watch a show. In fact, I did go to one and now I've checked off my passive activity for the year.

Funnily enough, I do have a regular mindfulness practice, almost daily. I also go once a week to sit in a meditation group, and every now and then I go on a hardcore meditation retreat. That’s probably the only time that I learned to sit, and still return to do it time and time again.

On the professional level, I am doing what I love - being a therapist, and providing services via CandleX to support our Beijing community on mental health. One thing that keeps me going is always this profound idea by my role model Maya Angelou, “When you teach, you have to live your own teaching.” I reflected on it on CandleX’s 3 year anniversary in my letter “Living Your Teachings”, and I still am aspired to live by it.

How do you stay sane?

I created a support group back in 2015 to support people who are going through any kind of madness. I was a lot younger then, and I was looking for a support group for myself, and I thought it was crazy that there was no community level social support in Beijing. It’s still running and I definitely suggest you check it out if you are looking for a sane reservoir in this crazy world.

Now I am older and hopefully wiser too, I think all the madness is part of the game. The madness is what gives life meaning. It could be painfully challenging at times, but that’s how we level up. In order to stay sane, we must allow ourselves to feel insane. As I got older, especially now I also work in mental health, I have a lot tools to deal with the ‘madness’.

First thing I do now is to acknowledge where I am, and adjust my own expectations accordingly. I am a therapist who loves prescribing homework to my clients for their mental health. Some of their homework is also my homework. I don't think there’s ever gonna be a day that I don’t need any of my own homework anymore. I have a pretty healthy lifestyle and solid social support, which prevents me from sinking into the madness. When it does happen, I active my self-care plan which includes getting support from a few close friends, journaling more to process my feelings and organize my thoughts better, and doing my daily appreciation list. I love mini-goal setting, so I would pick 1 or 2 mini goals that needs daily practice and cross them off at the end of the day and finish the day off with the sense of gratitude and self-love.

I also get a lot of strength from my clients. People often think therapists takes in so much emotional junk but that’s such a misunderstanding. The real work of therapy is to transform that energy by tapping into the unused potential of each person. It is my job to see their life that might outwardly look ‘mad’ but really has a sensible reason behind it, and to support them to go with life instead of against it, while growing the inner resources so they move through the madness. That is a powerful position to be, and I feel extremely lucky to be the witness of the growth and change of my clients.

I hope and I am sure that some day, having a therapist for our mental well-being is going to be as common as having a personal trainer for our physical well-being.

What's your favorite thing

about Beijing?

You are not gonna believe it but do you know how quiet Beijing can be? I went to Thailand after not traveling for three years and the noise there was constant and disorienting. I came back to Beijing, and I would just listen when I am out on the street. The cars and electric bikes are so much quieter here, and the hutongs are peaceful. The embassy area in the early morning before 8am is so quiet. I also love the seasonal changes of nature. I always enjoy seeing flowers blooming, and trees turning green. If you able to slow down, you can notice Beijing's seasonal changes that bring variety and mark the passage of time. I loved walking on ice in winter and I’ll probably try renting a boat on Liangma river some time too.

Connect with Xiaojie on WeChat via her QR code below, or Subscribe to CandleX to discover your mental health options here in Beijing:

Images: Courtesy of Xiaojie Qin

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